I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
