seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
