What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
