Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
