drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
