So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
