im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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