so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
