White coat. Heels.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just want nice things and good sex
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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