Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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