I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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