Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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