i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
