AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
