glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
