Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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