the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
