I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
