Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
