just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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