FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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