She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
