Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
