I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
