I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
