He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
