Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
