I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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