I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
