We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So vagazzling was a success
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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