I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
