You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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