I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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