the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I want to be your penis for a week.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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