So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
