he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
