I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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