Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
