i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
