woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
