I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
