can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
