you traded sex for a burrito?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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