physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
