I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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