Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
