Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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