I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
