Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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