It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
