Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
