upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
