One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
