I'm pants shitting drunk right now
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Barsexuality is the new black.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
