Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
