im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
