my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
