he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
