Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
