I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
