You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
