I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
