Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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