I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
