You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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