you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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