i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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